08.14.2026 - Going back to Church...
08.14.2026 – Going back to Church…
This idea is not new. I am sure that you can find multiple posts regarding this matter. Take mine with a grain of salt as always, and let’s begin:
The idea of going back to church was so uncomfortable for me. The idea of praising the Lord brought a shame that I carried and I just could not praise without breaking down. I would avoid church like a kid avoiding their parents after doing something bad. Because of the anxiety that I felt at the time, the church had become my own Goliath that I was happy to avoid. Except, David didn’t avoid Goliath1 (Dude ran towards him after hearing the taunts).
I don’t want to call it a nag - but I kept feeling a tug or nudge to go back. I wanted to but I just couldn’t at the time.
As we all know, time does not wait for anyone. So, even though I had decided multiple times that, “this following Sunday was the one”, I still hesitated. Why? Again, it was my own anxiety and the belief that I placed on my own anxiety that made me afraid to go back. It stopped me from worshiping and praising the LORD from a healthy perspective. Whenever I would go into church before, I would focus on others and see their praise and think, “Damn, why the hell am I here?”. I would choose to focus and let my mind go off on a tangent of negative spirals, causing those feelings of shame to pop up. ESPECIALLY, when the praising section of church would start, I would genuinely want to praise and sing the full song without crying. Most of the time, I would arrive late to church just to avoid the praise session. But the tears would come. I would feel embarrassed, ashamed that it LOOKED like I was the only one crying in church.
I’m sure that there are people crying and going through their own struggles in church. But I’m trying to explain it from my own view and give you, the reader, more of an understanding internally.
Back to the point!
So, I reach this point in the post where you are probably wondering: “Are you back in church? Are you still avoiding church? Have you committed to church? How’d you bridge the gap?”
Yes. No. No. And to answer the final question – I’m being met halfway.
The LORD is meeting me where I am at. The LORD is the one that helps me bridge the gap. Just like how the LORD met Hannah’s needs2 at the beginning of 1 Samuel, he will also meet my needs at this point in my life.
Thank you for attending my TED-Talk.
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Side Commentary:
1I highly recommend reading David’s story and how the Lord worked in David’s life. I promise this is not an ad for the following – but in case you were wondering where you can access the story, just download the bible app – it’s free and you have access to different versions of the bible. I personally have the CSB and fluctuate between that and the ESV version. Sometimes the NIV. It’s really a preference. Anyway, as you read, keep in mind how God works in David’s life. The focus shouldn’t be David’s life story but more on how God was present in David’s life.
2When you begin reading 1 Samuel, you are introduced to Hannah, who you quickly learn has no child. She is heartbroken - her biggest desire isn’t being granted. As an adult, I read Hannah’s story and echoed the feelings she was experiencing at the time. The feelings of resentment and sadness, waiting for a desire to be fulfilled and yet having that expectation of whatever desire possibly never happening. It’s easy to focus on what is happening to Hannah but it’s also an opportunity that we get to see the Lord working in her life. Give it a read.
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